numberthreeme

Mostly about Jakarta, and everything in between

New meaning of life. I have no idea.

Jadi, bagaimana liburannya? Sudah seminggu di kota Padang. I don’t know how to answer my own question. Harusnya liburan tapi ternyata sekalian mencari kejelasan soal hubungan. I lost my best friend, you all who read my previous post knew that. Sudah feeling kalau ini memang tidak bisa dilanjutkan. Tapi tetep aja…sedih. Mana ada sih yang putus cinta terus hahahihi. Mana juga yang putus cinta kemudian tidak kecewa. Marah? Wah iya. Ada hal-hal yang sudah retak, tidak bisa diperbaiki dan rasanya pengin misuh-misuh aja gitu. Susah rasanya untuk senyum. Pengin rasanya nangis sebebas-bebasnya, cuma di mana, bagaimana?

I need to work. I need to update Instagram account for my business. I need my brain, think. I need to keep going. Somehow, I want to pause. I want to stop. Semua yang saya lakukan rasanya salah. I need to find a new meaning of life. Kenapa lagi saya harus bekerja sangat keras, untuk siapa, ke depannya bagaimana, sesederhana itu. 😦

Why I felt so bad about breaking up?

I used to blame myself for whatever things gone wrong in my life. Kali ini, dia si mantan dengan gamblangnya bilang kalau saya ‘keminter’, sulit dibantah, terlalu sukses sebagai perempuan. Saya dibilang tidak bisa menghargai usaha dia sebagai lelaki. Saya terlalu keras. I heard about his disappointment, even the good things in me he saw it as minus point. How could he… I am speechless.

Dia memilih diam karena takut salah bicara dan akhirnya makin berantem. Sementara, kami jauh. Terpisah kota, terpisah pulau. Pada akhirnya we lost each other. I said I miss him couple times, but no respond. He didn’t  appreciate my feeling. I felt bad. That’s not a good sign to continue anything between us. He made me feel bad about myself.

I broke. That’s why I write these story in English. I thought he is the last one. He changed, he just changed. We dreamed on different life now. It is not something that we talked last year.

Yesterday, I deleted him from my social media friend. It’s hard to see him alive and meet someone new. Saya berharap dia mati saja, kok rasanya itu lebih mudah. Jahat, ya? Iya, I know. But, he doesn’t care about my feeling, my opinion, why was him making me upset, and so on and so on. I felt bad when remember we were so good together. We never had a fight when we lived in the same city. Only God know why. 😦

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This entry was posted on March 6, 2017 by in Saya pernah patah hati.

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Gak punya stok kata mutiara. Barusan banget malah copaste terus lupa hapus nama pengirim. Duh. Happens a lot of times. 
Dulu banget, malem takbiran itu waktunya screening nomer kontak terus kirim pesan SMS ke semua teman. Semua. Hingga kemudian tahun berikutnya gak kirim ucapan ke siapa pun kalau dia gak duluan kirim pesan *dihgitu. 
Anyway, selamat lebaran ya semua kawan Muslim kesayangan akoohhh ❤

p.s. ini kiriman darimu ya @chiciiicii? aku pinjem yaa hehe Minal aidin wal faidzin, selamat lebaran :* I could speak in Chinese, but less people believe it. A new colleagues and friends come and go and all the time I only speak in English, or yeah Indonesian language (since I live in Indonesia). 突然我想念中文. 想要跟新加坡阿姨喝咖啡 --yes I know, this is so random, but something like this always happen when you travel alone. Been there, done that. 
跟美國人請中文 -- random people in random places. Bisa-bisanya dia lancar banget. Super polite dan kayaknya gak pernah belajar makian macem 混蛋 :D
Udah gitu aja. Intinya, jadi pengen ke 台灣 lagi~ 
p.s. Finna, I miss you. Lagi pencitraan. --abis itu diomelin pramugarinya 😿

#okbhay I wish I could easily fall asleep just like him.

#sleep #human #betweenlines Gorgeous.

#mosque #playwithlight #architexture Being mute for a sec. 
#musician #human #itsnormal Her season is coming~ 
Kamu makan buahnya atau kulitnya? *eh 
#mangoosteen Learn so much stuff from this young professor. From psychology to pop movie, triathlons to the food marathon (ha!), talkgasm. Thank you! 🙏

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