Mostly about Jakarta, and everything in between
In one point of my life, I feel myself as an useless, trash, stupid, whore, anything bad-you named it- person alive. I let someone betrayed me, I made him do anything he wants, including cheated on me.
No one is busy all the time. Dulu, gue enggak percaya. Karena I used to be busy all the time, so did him. But it was a lie. I just realized it now. Kalau kata tulisan di sini they still have time to do things for the people they care about, and if they don’t, they let them know that and then reschedule.
I always asked about priority, but could not get clear answer. He was hiding something. Oh man, how could you, how could you.
Sekarang cuma bisa ngelus dada, merutuki nasib sendiri. Awalnya, saya merasa berterima kasih untuk hadirnya dia. Lama-lama kesal sendiri. He is not deserved my mercy. Tapi kejadian ini benar-benar tamparan ‘keras’ buat saya, bagaimana seharusnya hubungan yang sehat. It was not healthy relationship, saya cuma merusak diri saya sendiri. Saya terlalu bertoleransi akan absennya dia di setiap ‘down level’-nya saya, saya selalu memaafkan kesalahan dia, saya selalu lupa akan kekurangannya dia, dan saya memberikan segalanya hingga mungkin tak ada lagi yang tersisa dari saya. Saya sudah habis because I was totally blind.
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